HOW ARE YOU DOING?

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

When asked, "How are you doing?" I pause before I answer. My first inclination is to tell them what they want to hear. "I'm o.k." When in reality, I'm screaming and dying inside. I force a smile in every day world, around every day people. But I am an outsider of that everyday environment. The normal has become disruptive and turned upside down. What used to be normal is now a mere existence of my past.

How am  doing you ask? Well, let me be blunt and honest. My husband died…died suddenly. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I didn't get a chance to tell him just how truly and deeply in love I was with him. I didn't get a chance to tell him, despite our ups and downs, our highs and lows, he was a wonderful man. I didn't get a chance to grow old with him. And now, how am I doing? I'm utterly miserably. I'm in a thousand pieces. I can't function in normal everyday life. My life as I know it, was turned upside down the moment my husband was taken from me.

How am I doing? I'm just doing.