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AND SO IT BEGINS...AGAIN

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Here we go again; the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. I can easily say that it crept up on me this year, but then again, I say that every year. I'm very verbal when it comes to premeditated Christmas decorations. As soon as Halloween ends, people are overly excited about putting up colorful lights and decorating every inch of their life with wreaths and snowballs. I loathe it. Can we just slow down? We have a whole two months before jolly St. Nick comes sliding down the chimney baring gifts to all the good boys and girls. As I type this, I realize, damn, it’s only a month till Christmas is here. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. FML! Truth be told, I used to be one of those people who couldn't wait to put up the wreaths, bust out the Christmas plates and candy bowls, and hang a wreath on my front door. What changed? Well, a lot has changed. O.k. One major thing has changed. That one thing made a big impact on my feelings about the holidays. My husband passed away over 2 y
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WAKING UP WITHOUT YOU

Waking up without you The alarm sounds. Snooze is not an option any more. The extra 10 minutes of shuteye doesn't matter. As tired as my eyes are from the night before, my whole body is awake and still living this nightmare. As I stare at the ceiling, numb and tired, I dread having to face another day, another day without you. I think of all our good mornings, getting ready to tackle the day, getting prettied up to fit in the world of 9 to 5. I think of how I used to plant a kiss on your cheeks, on your lips, before I walk out that door. It's not the same any more. Waking up to a new day still holds the emptiness I feel inside. The torture I have to endure each day without you. Waking up without you .
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HOW ARE YOU DOING?

HOW ARE YOU DOING? When asked, "How are you doing?" I pause before I answer. My first inclination is to tell them what they want to hear. "I'm o.k." When in reality, I'm screaming and dying inside. I force a smile in every day world, around every day people. But I am an outsider of that everyday environment. The normal has become disruptive and turned upside down. What used to be   normal is now a mere existence of my past. How am   doing you ask? Well, let me be blunt and honest. My husband died…died suddenly. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I didn't get a chance to tell him just how truly and deeply in love I was with him. I didn't get a chance to tell him, despite our ups and downs, our highs and lows, he was a wonderful man. I didn't get a chance to grow old with him. And now, how am I doing? I'm utterly miserably. I'm in a thousand pieces. I can't function in normal everyday life. My life as I know it, was turn
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